My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
did you just send me my own nude
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
