Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
