This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
