Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
