I puked a lego.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
