You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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