If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
