so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
