i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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