She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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