Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
There's even glitter on my cock...
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