I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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