ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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