just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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