from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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