if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
