i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
