Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
