Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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