Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
