So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
