Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
