It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize