My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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