so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
