why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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