I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
