i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
