Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
