WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
