the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You are a genius and a whore.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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