Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
