Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
