dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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