I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
