did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
