Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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