Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
