Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
