Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She even gives head with a lisp.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
