Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
