This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
