so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
