I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
