I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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