so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
