Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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