just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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