Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
