party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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