I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
