hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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