I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
