So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
