its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
