I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just invented taco cereal.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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