the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
