You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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