Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
