....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
