eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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