Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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