Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
