just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
