So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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