What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
