you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
