What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
