i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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