i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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