How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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