I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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