Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
