I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you would pick up someone in the library
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
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By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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