Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
